A longing for belonging.

Maslow’s hierarchy of needs famously claims that safety is the second out of the top five human needs. Interestingly enough, Hannah brought up the exact words that she does not feel safe in her classroom. “Because of the students or the teachers?” “Both,” Hannah replied. “The students exclude you, and the teachers get on you for dumb stuff but not the important stuff, like when people are being mean.”

As many roles as teachers have to play, a referee is usually not one of the most preferential ones. Not only is it unpleasant, most teachers don’t have time for it. When the students are having social time, the teachers take it as a few precious moments to catch up on their work. However, I would argue that the teachers should listen in, monitor, and model positive conversation for their students. If we want to build a community in our classroom, it has to be consistent. During social times such as lunch, during class, during breaks, respectfulness must be enforced at all times. Much of the bullying could be stopped with a little more prevention. Kids will be kids, but they are less likely to engage in belittling conversations when a positive role model is listening in.

The school environment could also feel unsafe because of the amount of risk involved academically. “One of my teachers threatens to give you a detention when you don't put parentheses around your final math answer. If you breathe wrong, they'll kill you, basically," Hannah added with a roll of her eyes.

I know the importance of classroom management, but strongly oppose flat-out tyranny. Punishment for a wrong answer or a momentary forgetfulness about classroom procedure (I know if I had to work a math problem on the board, I would be so paranoid about getting the right answer that I would barely be able to get an answer to begin with, much less remember to put parentheses around it!) A tyrannical classroom shuts students’ brain power right away. There might as well be a “no learning allowed” sign posted in the classroom, because learning is taking risks. In this type of classroom, students don’t want to share ideas. They cringe when they are called on to work a problem on the board. They are afraid to ask questions. “I’m afraid they'll put me down and make me feel stupid. My teacher makes me so nervous. I'm afraid when she calls on me because I'll probably say the right answer since I'm nervous. When I ask questions, sometimes she acts like it's a dumb question, and sometimes she doesn't, which confuses me." Basically, the classroom is volatile and unpredictable. The last thing a tumultuous middle schooler needs.

We all have bad days. We all have moments when the alarm clock goes off and we want to toss it out the window because we were up all night grading papers. But, the mood of the teacher sets the mood of the entire classroom. Ever heard the expression, “If Mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy?” Same principle.

Although the teacher is highly responsible for setting the tone of his or her classroom, there is an underlying fear among middle schoolers simply because of their developmental level. That fear is looking stupid. "I feel like I can't say anything in class. They'll think it doesn’t make sense.” Beneath all of this is an intense need to be accepted. This problem will always be there in the back of middle schoolers’ minds, but again, enforcing a community environment will help. They need to be able to take academic risks without being threatened. Be able to throw out ideas without the fear of being shut down. That’s how they will eventually become comfortable with themselves, and that underlying fear of looking stupid to their peers will slowly diminish.

“How could teachers improve this safety issue?” I asked Hannah in conclusion. “Be not scary," she replied in a sagacious tone.

“How could students improve this?” "Accept you."

Leaving the drama to Shakespeare: how to nip exclusion in the bud!

Drama is so much more than a Shakespearean genre of fine art. Sometimes it can be a flat-out terror, as anyone who has gotten through middle school alive knows. When Hannah listed drama as one of the top concerns she has about middle school, I asked her to define the term to make sure we were on the same page. She pulled up her wifi-powered iPod and entered the term on Google. "Webster says, 'a state, situation, or series of events involving interesting or intense conflict of forces,' but I say it's 'people acting like big babies.'" "Howso?" I replied with a snicker. "Like, overreacting. Acting like they're 25 years old when they're really 12. Oooooh, boys! Oooooh, clothes! Oooooh, fashion! Blah blah blah. And I say 'who cares?' It's all the stereotypical girl stuff."

And for a tomboy like Hannah, these are quite boring subjects. She feels like she has no place in her classmates' conversations. I told her that maybe it was nothing personal; maybe they don't know how to relate to Hannah since they have different interests. "I'm way different than all of them," she adds. "They don't watch anime and weird stuff like me. So even when they include me, it's like they don't get me. I still don't fit in. I only talk about fandom references." I looked down at her Invader Zim shirt and saw why this might be the case.

I told her it was wonderful that she had such unique interests, but she must keep in mind that everyone else does as well. Part of trying to make new friendships work is meeting in the middle and trying to understand each other's point of view. "I try to engage in their conversations," she says, "but I just don't get them." She tries to talk about what they're interested in, but also tries to change the subject occasionally, which she is entitled to do. "That's when it all goes ehhhh... think the problem is they always want to talk about themselves."

And that is not necessarily a bad thing. As I have said, this is the time that adolescents are experimenting with who they are. They try out their interests by talking about them. But what can we as teachers do to make sure this self-exploration does not come at the cost of exclusion of others?

I firmly believe that much of this problem can be addressed by the tone we set in our classroom. By equally valuing everyone's opinion, and being scrupulously fair, your students will appreciate that effort and most likely model that behavior toward their classmates. Making your classroom a community, an open forum where everyone feels welcome to share their thoughts, also gives them practice not only expressing their own ideas, but also to actively listen to others' ideas.

Hannah agrees with this community model. "Every once in a while the teacher should say, 'Ok, I want to make sure you're being nice and talking to everyone.' They usually encourage us to be nice to and talk to the new people, but I wish they would encourage my classmates to do that for everyone, not just the new kids!"

Friendliness is contagious. If you include everyone and foster interaction within your classroom, your students will become more tight-knit, and much of the drama problem will take care of itself as students learn to appreciate each others' ideas.

"Any more perspectives on drama?" I asked Hannah at the end of our interview. She simply replied with a raspberry noise.